Note: This article is originally written by Derrek from manofvigor blog.
We all have habits we want to lose. Though we try again and again it often just doesn’t work – we quickly return to our old habits.
But why?
Well, today I’m gonna settle it once and for all – because I just had a small epiphany.
It all started when I reread some old stuff I wrote down years ago in one of my notebooks.One of the things that struck me was the following:
“If you want to change your behavior long term you need to go through an identity shift.” When it comes to demolishing destructive habits (and replace them with empowering ones) we need to realize there are 3 levels of understanding:
We can have an Intellectual understanding – no change in behavior at all
We can have an Emotional understanding – short term changes in behavior
We can have an Identity shift -long term changes in behavior
In an intellectual understanding your mind recognizes discrepancies in your behavior but it simply doesn’t care. Having an intellectual understanding means nothing.
For example: I can intellectually read a warning on a pack of cigarettes but choose to ignore it.
Having an emotional understanding is a lot more powerful than having an intellectual understanding. It means that you have an emotional attachment to certain behaviors – which can change in the blink of an eye.
For example: The doctor tells you that because of your smoking habit your lungs are only functioning at 40%. BAM IN YOUR FACE. Now I got a negative emotional attachment to this bad habit.
But I can also have positive emotional attachments to smoking.
Perhaps I feel like a young James Dean when I light up a cigeratte. If that’s the case – what are the chances of me not smoking again you think ? Probably pretty slim. After all, it makes me feel good.
This is why changing habits is so difficult – we either have an intellectual understanding or an emotional attachment to good and bad behaviors which only result in short-term changes.
So how do we give the finger to bad habits and replace them with good ones for good?
By having an identity shift.
An identity shift means that (new) behaviors become part of you. It’s no longer something youdo. It’s something you are.
A smoker who is trying to quit will say:
No thanks mate, I’m good (struggling) – I’m trying to quit smoking!
But a person who never smoked or gave up the habit for good will say:
No thanks. I don’t smoke.
That’s a HUGE difference in terms of thinking. And we have millions of small identities attached to all sorts of things we do.
For example:
Do you go on a diet or are you a health freak?
Do you go to the gym or are you a fitness enthusiast?
Do you date women or are you a player?
Do you dress nice or do you consider yourself a man of great taste and style?
Do you work hard or are you a hard dedicated worker?
Do you please women or are you a sex god?
Do you feel awkward socially or do you consider yourself an introvert?
Questions like this might seem trivial and simple but I challenge you right here and now to think about these things because they will have a massive impact on your psychology and therefore your actions and your reality.
Below are some of my old identities that, looking back, I definitely changed in the past couple of years even before learning about all this stuff. On the right side you can see what I replaced them with:
I’m a crazy party guy → I don’t drink.
I enjoy an occassional smoke → I’m a non-smoker.
I’m an aspiring entrepreneur → I am a young entrepreneur.
I like working out → The Gym is my Temple.
I chase skirt → I’m a player.
I like healthy foods → I’m a nutritional nazi.
I like adventure → I’m a bit of a badboy.
I’m a bit weird at times → I’m one step ahead of the curve.
I’m lost → Life is a journey.
Again, it can be anything. These are just some examples of small identity-shifts I made that all resulted in huge changes in my life. It will do the same for you
What are some of your old identities and with what will you be replacing them with? Share them in the comment section below and destroy your destructive behaviors and self-sabotaging once and for all!
“I think pimp – therefore I am, pimp. “
Kat Williams
Original Article